101 Things You Shouldn't Do In the Zoo
by itsalollapalooza23
Summary: ... or in the PoM World for that matter. Exactly what the title says. Rated K plus just to be safe. UP FOR ADOPTION!
1. Prologue

**A/N: So, this is a new idea I came up with. I saw it in another fandom and I thought it would be great for the PoM world. Tell me if you like it!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything.**

* * *

It was another day in the PoM world.

Everyone was doing what they were supposed to do. The villains attack the penguins, and the penguins thwart them. Then the villains would attack them again, and the penguins would stop them... again.

How harmonic it all was!

But one day, one dog made a list that would change all that.

_God_, the dog named Lolla thought. _Skipper sure does have a lot of rules for the HQ. No watching TV after 11 PM. Never bother Skipper after a failed mission. Don't look at the classified mission files. Blah blah blah. Sheesh, he should just write a list for all that stuff instead of constantly reminding us!_

_Wait a minute_, Lolla realized. Skipper _won't be writing that list. _I _will._

Lolla grabbed a pen and her notebook. She turned to a fresh page, and wrote the words "101 Things You Shouldn't Do in the Zoo".

And so, this was how the list was made.

* * *

**A/N: That's all for now. Don't forget to submit your rules! After at least ten are submitted I'll up-a-date (argh!). Thanks for reading!**

**Question of the Chapter: **

**Have you ever written fanfics before you became a member here? **


	2. Rules 1-10

**A/N: AHH! I feel terrible! I haven't up-a-dated this for ages! I'm sorry guys! As an apology I have spent the last few days writing this chapter, which I can safely say is one of the longest I've written so far. Enjoy!  
**

**DISCLAIMER: Oh schnitzels! I can't forget the disclaimer! Skipper! You do it today!**

**Skipper: No.**

**Me: *demonic voice* DO IT.**

**Skipper: Fine, fine! itsalollapalooza23 doesn't own the PoM characters, the rules, nor the users who sent in said rules. Not even Romanian crickets.**

**Me: Romanian crickets? The last time I read this there was nothing about Romania or crickets!**

**Skipper: Who knows? Maybe you slipped a clue in there somewhere.**

**Me: Ignore him. Enjoy!**

* * *

**1. Never ever insult Skipper's intelligence, unless you want maintenance duty for two weeks. (Requested by Rookie70Penguin)**

"I'm telling you, brain beats brawn everytime!" Kowalski yelled.

"Oh, so an egghead like you can beat the Hulk with nothing?" Skipper sarcastically replied.

"My head is not an egg!"

Lolla, Private and Rico sighed. (Ms. Perky would've sighed too if it were possible.) Even though Kowalski and Skipper were as close as brothers most of the time, they're definitely at their worst when they got into these brain-or-brawn arguments.

Kowalski and Skipper growled at each other and went in opposite directions.

Lolla followed Kowalski and pulled him by his shoulder.

"Psst, try insulting his intelligence. That would really tick him off!"

Kowalski smiled in thanks. "Thanks Lolla. I'll do that!"

...

"_HOW DARE YOU INSULT _MY _INTELLIGENCE! MAINTENANCE DUTY FOR TWO WEEKS!_"

An infuriated Kowalski re-entered the room.

"I. Hate. You. So. Much. Right. Now." He said with gritted teeth.

Lolla shrugged. "You wanted to tick him off, you got it."

* * *

**2. Never touch Skipper's coffee mug and/or his coffee maker. (Requested by Bml1997)**

_Hm, I wonder why Skipper never lets us touch the coffee maker_, Private thought. What could possibly be so special about a simple, everyday kitchen appliance?

_I might as well find out for myself._ Private shrugged. He glanced over at Skipper, who was lecturing Lolla about something she got in trouble in. He inched toward the door, and, seeing that he wasn't seen, quickly entered the room that served as the HQ's kitchen.

Private stared at the coffee maker. It was polished till it sparkled, and was remarkably clean.

_Here goes... _Private thought. He reached and tapped the coffee maker. And, suddenly, it broke into several pieces, which fell on the floor loudly.

"_WHO... TOUCHED... MY... COFFEE MAKER?!_" Skipper yelled at the top of his lungs, which is, face it, really, really loud. If people could understand animals, half of Manhattan would've heard him.

_No wonder he touches it so gently; it must've been wrecked in the war_, Private realized.

* * *

**3. Don't touch Ms. Perky. Ever. (Requested by Doctor-Hamato)**

Since Kowalski was on maintenance duty, he had to stay in the HQ while the rest of the team went out to exercise.

"Stupid Lolla and her stupid pranks and that stupid argument with stupid Sk—"

"Kowalski." Skipper gave his lieutenant a warning look.

Kowalski rolled his eyes.

"Now, clean up this place."

"Aye Skipper." Kowalski saluted the leader. As the team climbed the ladder, Kowalski picked up Ms. Perky so he could mop the HQ. Rico saw him and jumped off the ladder, his eyes flaring.

"NE'ER TOUCH MS. PERKY!" He screamed. He regurgitated a chainsaw and turned it on. He let out a manic laugh. Kowalski screamed, too, but in fear. Rico started chasing Kowalski around.

Lolla put her head in her paws.

"My brothers are weird to the point of embarrassment."

* * *

**4. Leave Julien's feet alone in the winter. (Requested by starfire207)**

It was the "-ber" months once again in New York. Snow began falling from the cloudy gray skies, chilling everyone who had the unfortunately came into contact with it.

In fact, let's zoom in on a particular snobby animal in a particular zoo in this particular city, otherwise known as King Julien the Thirteenth.

He sat on his royal throne as always, shivering from the cold. But the body part in which he was the coldest was his feet.

Mort, as usual, is going to try and spend some time with the king's feet. He jumped on the platform on which the throne was.

"Hello King Julien!" He chirped cheerfully, his tone so bright and sunny it could've melted the snow surrounding him. He inspected Julien's feet closely.

"Oh, your feet look chilly. Maybe I can be your foot warmer!" He hopped on the king's feet.

"None shall touch the royal feet! None!" King Julien jerked his leg, sending poor Mort up and out of the lemur habitat.

One thing about Julien during the winter: his leg power is about twice as strong than during the rest of the year.

* * *

**5. Do not lock the TV. The guys will go nuts. (Requested by skilene4ever)**

While the penguins and Lolla (who Skipper reluctantly agreed could tag along), Mort went into the HQ to get something for King Julien. Mort wasn't sure of what exactly to get, but then again he wasn't sure of anything.

Since he wasn't sure what King Julien would want, he decided to explore first and get whatever seemed nice.

Mort looked up on the shelf, where the radio was kept. Perhaps a second boomie-box would be even better than one! Instead, he found the TV remote.

_Ooh, maybe King Julien can use this weird box to do things for him! He would be so happy! _Mort thought (yes, I know what you're thinking; is that even possible?).

He hopped up and grabbed the remote. He wanted to make sure that it wasn't broken, because the king despised broken things. He pressed a button, which turned on the TV.

_Wow! I like weird boxes! _Mort was delighted.

Mort pressed each button one by one, then in combinations. But he accidentally locked _all _of Lolla and the penguins' favorite channels. Despite his stupidity, Mort sensed that what he did was wrong. He set the remote down slowly and settled for Lolla's netbook instead. He managed to deliver said item just as the penguins were arriving back from the mission, which went terribly.

Naturally, after a long, hard day, all five wanted to relax and watch some TV. But if you were thinking that they wouldn't discover Mort's latest mix-up, alas, they did. And they didn't take it very well, to say the least.

"_WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TV!?_"

"_I HAVE TO CATCH A SPECIAL DOCUMENTARY ON QUANTUM PHYSICS!_"

"_NINJAS!_"

"_LUNACORNS!_"

"_WHERE IS MY NETBOOK!?_"

(Try guessing who said what.)

* * *

**6. If Kowalski is moping, don't try to make him smile. (Requested by Doctor-Hamato)**

"Oh, Doris, why can't we be together?" Kowalski sighed sadly, pressing the picture to his chest. A tear slid from his eye.

Lolla rolled her eyes. Kowalski was at least ten times as annoying when he was in his mopey-missing-Doris moods. But he seemed sadder than usual today, so she decided to comfort him.

"Aww, c'mon Ko-ko," she cooed. "There's someone out there waiting for you. All ya have to do is get up and find them!"

"No." Kowalski turned away.

Lolla frowned slightly. Since the gentle, encouraging way didn't work, she'll try the humorous approach. She got a pair of shades and put them on.

"KOWALSKI! You know I don't allow _any _type of weakness in my unit! Stop moping around! Be a man!" Lolla imitated Skipper perfectly. "So what if a girl doesn't like you? Deal with it!"

"Stop it Lolla." Kowalski growled.

"That's _General _Lolla to you!"

"I _said _knock it off."

"Whoa, whoa, hey, who ever said you give your commanding officer orders?"

_POW!_

Kowalski punched Lolla in the head with enough force to cause a slight concussion. Of course, he immediately regretted what he did, but he was relieved to see his younger sister quickly get up, groaning and disoriented, but alive.

She held her head in her paws for a few moments, then lifted her head and looked around, her expression gradually turning quizzical.

"Have you always been green?"She asked Kowalski. She turned and pointed at the walls. "And when did the walls move like that?"

* * *

**7. Do not play with Kowalski's inventions. (Requested by skilene4ever)**

"Kowalski, can I borrow one of your inventions?"

"No."

"Why not?" Lolla pouted.

"Because a scientifically-illiterate animal like you would kill yourself with it."

"Well." Lolla said, insulted. She trotted out of the lab.

Hours later, when the others were asleep (including Kowalski), Lolla quietly crept out of her bed and snuck in the lab.

_Now, where to start? _She thought, looking around the lab, which was filled with inventions of all shapes and sizes.

She decided on testing out a large ray gun. It looked like a water gun, but with fours plastic bottles on the top, and each of these bottles were filled with glowing liquids in different colors.

"Hm..." Lolla muttered. She shook the gadget and pulled the trigger.

_ Later that morning..._

Lolla stumbled out of the lab, sooty and tired.

"I told you not to play with my inventions!" Kowalski yelled.

"How in schnitzel goobers is a ray gun which spits out fluorescent liquid useful?"

"I was bored!"

* * *

**8. Never lock ANY OF THE PENGUINS (especially Skipper) in the room with Julien's boom box playing. (Requested by skilene4ever)**

"...and now, we come to the subject of survival tests-"

"Ooh! Ooh!" Lolla eagerly raised her paw, interrupting the penguins' meeting.

Skipper sighed. "What, Lolla?"

"Can I make a survival test?"

"What? No! There's no telling what you'll do!"

"Oh, I won't be _that_ evil! Just something simple which really tests survival. Pwease?" Lolla made puppy-eyes and pouted at Skipper. Skipper sighed. No one could say no to puppy-eyes.

"Oh... alright, fine. Just make sure chainsaws and rabid bears aren't involved."

"Ah, but I have a better plan in mind." Lolla smiled deviously. The penguins took this for a bad sign.

Later that day, Lolla finally finished her plans for the survival test. She thought it was perfect. First she gathered all the materials she needed. Then she called all the penguins to the survival training room and briefed them on the test.

"Okay, I want this test to be a surprise. All you have to do is stay in the room for the indicated time annd to not go out of the room until then. Questions? None? Okay!" She clapped her paws. "Who'll go first- Skipper?"

Lolla's older brother scowled. "Figures."

"Suck it up and survive man!" She pushed him into the survival training room. Once he was inside she firmly locked the door and pushed a few buttons, which uncovered a large object near a corner in the room. The object was... a radio?

"Now, you stay hear and listen to Ringtail- er, Julien's favorite songs for, say, ten minutes. The objective is to not destroy the radio, or you'll fail the test."

"_What?!_" All the penguins except Private exclaimed.

"No escape now!" Lolla cackled evilly.

Ten minutes later when Skipper's turn was over, Lolla unlocked the door and Skipper burst out there screaming, "MAKE IT STAHAHOOOP! AHH!"

Lolla turned back to the other penguins. "Next?" She asked, but only Private was there.

"What the- where are the others?!" She exclaimed.

* * *

**9. Never mention Doris around Kowalski. (Requested by starfire207)**

"Hi, Kowalski," greeted Private. Kowalski quickly spun around and tried to hide a large whiteboard behind him.

"Uh, oh, hello Private." Kowalski said, mortified.

"What's that?" asked Private, gesturing to the whiteboard behind Kowalski.

"It's nothing-! Oh fine, I-I'm tracking a certain d-dolphin."

"Blowhole?"

"Um, no..."

"Is it Doris?"

Private walked out the lab and shut the door behind him. His face bore a mix of a terrified and a disgusted expression.

"Hey, Private. What's wrong?" said Lolla, noting her brother's expression.

"One thing's for sure, never mention Doris around Kowalski." He replied gravely.

* * *

**10. NEVER tell Skipper that he likes Marlene (He gets upset.) (Requested by skilene4ever)**

"Hey, Skipper-chan." Lolla greeted her older brother. He rolled his eyes and continued writing whatever he was writing. (It was a love-letter for Marlene that he would give when he screwed up enough courage. Just don't tell him I knew that.)

"What's that?" Lolla noticed the letter and grinned. "Is that a letter for a certain, I don't know, _otter _a ceratin older brother _"like_' likes?"

"No, it is not!" Skiper yelled, louder than he intended. He grabbed the letter and held it close to his body so his younger sister couldn't read it.

"Oh, come on, just admit you like her already!"

"No! I don't like her, I mean, not _that_ way!"

"You do too! I saw your diary!"

"My what? I own no such thing!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Not!"

"Too!"

"Not!"

"Not!" Lolla secretly winked at the other penguins.

"Too! I do like her and you know it!" Skipper crossed his flippers smugly, thinking he won the argument. Then he realized the trick and did a faceflipper.

"Ha! You admit it!" Lolla cried out victoriously.

"I don't!"

"You do!"

"I DON'T!"

After a tremendously loud screaming fight, Kowalski was patching up Lolla, who got beat up due to a raged Skipper.

"Are you feeling better now?" He asked.

"It was worth it." She smiled weakly.

* * *

**A/N: See Skipper? Nothing about Romanian crickets here!**

**Skipper: Maybe next chapter.**

**Me: *doubtful* I'm not sure about that. But you could be right... for once.**

**Skipper: I'll take that as a compliment.**

**Me: You're welcome. **

** Ah schnitzels... do you know that feeling in your head when you finish a long chapter? I sure do. Hope you liked it! Oh, and by the way, don't focus your rules on just thee penguins, focus it on the other animals! Like Marlene, Burt, even the villains! And make the rules super-funny! Let your inner comedian shine through! Go for it!**

**As for the question of the chapter just consider the question about that feeling when you finish a long chapter.**

**Review guys! :D **


	3. Rules 11-20

**A/N: OH. MY. GOD. I haven't up-a-dated this for three whole weeks. THREE WEEKS! I feel so terrible!**

**So, in a poor attempt to make up for it, I have written for you this six-thousand-word long chapter. **

**I'm really sorry guys. My inspiration dried up and I had no motivation. Also, I didn't do some of the rules because I had no idea how to write them. I'm truly sorry. :(((**

**DISCLAIMER: **

**Me: Hmmm, Marlene! Why don't you do the disclaimer today?  
**

**Marlene: Sure! itsalollapalooza23 doesn't own the jar of chlorine tablets (TECHNICALLY they're Alice's), Peanut Butter Winkies, interior designing, Sims games, me, the penguins and all other PoM characters, which is because she doesn't own PoM in the first place. Nor does she own anything about Romanian crickets.**

**Me: What the-? Romanian crickets? Again? There is nothing here about Romanian crickets!**

**Marlene: Who knows? Maybe you slipped a hint somewhere.**

**Me: That's exactly what Skipper said. Oh well. ON WITH THE STORY!**

* * *

**11. ****Never bleach Marlene's pool, or you'll end up with a re-run of Otter Woman. Oh, and a black eye. (Requested by Rookie70Penguin)**

"Lolla, where are you going?" Skipper squinted at his younger sister. When she sneaking around like that it almost always means she has something up her sleeve... if she wore sleeves.

"Going to Marlene's to talk about stuff that you would never understand." Lolla replied, squinting at her older brother at the same way.

"Says the extremely boyish girl."

The Yorkie shrugged. "Hey, girls will be girls no matter how boyish they act."

Skipper looked at Lolla with a blank expression. "Now you've lost me."

"Exactly why I'm going to Marlene's, since you said yourself that she's _smart_." Lolla snickered, quickly scaling the ladder.

"What the—? I said no such thing!" Skipper insisted angrily.

"Say what you want to believe, Skippy."

Moments later, Lolla arrived at Marlene's habitat. Alice was busy adding the chlorine to the water, making sure that she dropped the correct amount of tablets this time.

Alice then got a call on her radio. (God knows what that was all about.) She set down the jar of tablets on a bench nearby and left. Delighted, Lolla crawled out of her hiding spot and dragged the jar with her teeth. She thrust the jar up on the brick wall, got one chlorine tablet and tossed the rest of the jar's contents in the pool. She trotted away as quickly as she could without attracting any attention, giggling mischievously all the way.

"So," said Skipper. Lolla froze. "How was your supposed 'talk'?" He made air quotes with his flippers.

"Fine, fine, it was fun. In fact, why don't _you _pay her a visit and ask her yourself?" She smiled.

_Ha, she thinks I'll fall for that "lure-me-to-a-trap-which-involves-sticky stuff" prank again. No way. It took me three weeks to get the tar off. Three weeks!_

"No way, no how sister." He crossed his flippers defiantly.

"Come on, Skipper. It won't hurt to visit her just one time. Please? For me?" She made the best puppy-dog face she could.

Skipper sighed. How does she always manage to catch him off-guard like that?

"Oh fine. But this better be good." He grumbled, walking away.

"Oh, it is," She muttered to herself. "And by the way," She said louder. "Take this cookie. I forgot to give it to her." She gave Skipper the chlorine tablet, which was wrapped up in crêpe paper and tied with a big red bow.

"Why didn't you give it in the first place when you were still over at Marlene's?" Skipper complained. Lolla replied with a look which said "So? Who cares? Suck it up and be a man!"

"Right," Lolla exhaled. "La-dah **[1]**!" She quickly ran home.

Skipper just looked after her in confusion and walked to Marlene's habitat, carrying the "cookie".

"YOU PUT THE BLEACH IN MY HABITAT, DIDN'T YOU?!" Marlene screamed once she saw Skipper (yay, an alliteration!).

"What are you— oh, Arlene, you're back?" Skipper grinned coyly.

"Arlene? Skipper, I'm _Marlene_!"

_Oh sweet Mother McArthur, she knows my name!_

"Of course I know your name, Skipper." Marlene stared at him strangely.

Oh, fish biscuits. He said that out loud, didn't he?

"Yes you did."

"Your face looks pretty when you're confused." He smiled in trying to charm her.

"What? Skipper. I'm. MARLENE!"

"Yes, you are very pretty. Beautiful, I might add."

"Hey, Arlene! You are being back!" Julien popped up out of nowhere and jumped over to Marlene's habitat.

"Oh no..." Marlene—or rather, Arlene—groaned.

"Back off, Ringtail! I saw her first!"

"Ah, but the king gets to have _all_ the ladies!" Julien huffed.

"No he doesn't!" Skipper yelled back.

"He does!" Julien screamed.

"Not!"

"Does!"

"Not!"

"Does!"

"You know, why don't we just ask Arlene who she likes better?"

"For once, I am agreeing with you, silly penguin. Arlene! You are liking me better than the stinky penguin, right?" Julien raised his eyebrows charmingly.

Skipper shoved Julien out of the way. "No, don't listen to him, Arlene! You definitely like _me _more, right?"

M/Arlene felt cornered. So she did the last way she could defend herself.

_POW!_

Penguin and lemur walked out of her habitat that day with black eyes.

"What a girl!" Julien sighed.

"I always love a feisty type." Skipper smiled.

**12. Do as Skipper/Lolla orders or else! (Requested by MercyFulbright)**

"...any questions?" said Skipper. He had just briefed on a mission, which, in Kowalski's opinion, was utterly illogical and ridiculous. He raised a flipper.

"Yes, Kowalski?" Skipper acknowledged.

"Skipper, with all due respect to you and your decisions," Kowalski began. "I think this operation is ridiculous."

"Oh, is that so?" Lolla countered. Apparently, she was in on the plan and didn't think it was ridiculous at all.

"Kowalski," replied Skipper. "This operation may seem ridiculous to you, but it is necessary for the whole unit!"

"I can't believe I'm siding with Skipper this time, but you better do as he orders." Lolla squinted at Kowalski.

"Oh? And how are you going to do that?" Kowalski put his flippers on his hips, giving off an uncharacteristically sassy aura.

"You agree to this mission or I'll tell your secret." Skipper replied. It wasn't like him to blackmail others like this. Quite bluntly as well.

Kowalski scoffed. "What secret?"

"You know what we're talking about." Lolla said in a low voice.

Kowalski started sweating profusely. "You mean the one about the—?"

"Yes." Brother and sister replied.

"Oh fine." Kowalski said after a while. "I'll agree to this mission whichIthinkisstillridiculous ." He added quickly.

"Let that be a lesson to you boys." Skipper said to Rico and Private.

"Do as we say or else." Lolla finished, smiling slightly.

**13. Never experiment on Skipper without asking first. (Requested by Bml1997)**

"Ha! At last!" Kowalski crowed.

"What is it this time?" Lolla questioned. Since she had another case of insomnia, she decided to help out Kowalski with another of his inventions.

"I've invented a formula of fluorescent liquid which _never _loses its luminous properties." He held up a small vial containing a slightly cloudy liquid with a yellow tint.

"You mean, if you pour that into a glow stick, it'll never stop glowing?" Lolla asked, excited.

"Precisely!" Kowalski beamed.

Lolla jumped around, wagging her tail excitedly. "Wow! That's your best invention ever! _Never will we have to fear the DAAARK_!" She sang.

The tall penguin looked at his sister blankly. That dog was so strange that he'd know a lot of aliens from studying her **[2]**.

"There's just one little problem."

"What's that?" Her voice had an alarmed tone to it. From her experience, whenever someone said "one little problem", it was usually a rather large problem and tough to solve.

"I'm not a hundred percent sure if it works. Chances are at the very least—" He quickly flicked the beads of his abacus. "—2.4795 percent chance of success, 9.8605 of it turning out to be acidic and destroying everything it comes in contact with, and—"

"Okay, okay! I get it!" The Yorkie interrupted. "So we'll need a test subject..."

Kowalski nodded. "It doesn't work on objects. It has to be a real live being."

Lolla twisted her face into her trademark "I've got an idea and it is mischievously awesome" look.

"How 'bout Skipper?"

"Sk-Skipper?" Kowalski stuttered. "He's the commanding officer! He'll break both my wings if he found out he was glowing."

"But weird stuff spills on him a lot of times!" argued Lolla.

To make a long story—or rather, argument—short, Lolla finally managed to convince Kowalski to test the newly-dubbed ForeverGlow fluorescent liquid on Skipper.

"Okay. You remember the plan?" asked Lolla.

Kowalski nodded curtly.

"Men, I'm going to shower!" Skipper called out. Kowalski stepped in front of him.

"Oh Skipper! Since it's almost Christmas, I saved up some money and got you this new shampoo." He held out the ForeverGlow vial.

The leader was surprised. "Oh, uh... thank you Kowalski."

Later that evening...

"Lights out. Seriously." The computerized voice droned out. All the lights in the HQ immediately shut.

"_WHY AM I GLOWING?!_"

"Oh no..." Lolla groaned quietly.

"Oh yes! It worked!" Kowalski fist pumped.

So, in the end, the ForeverGlow worked fine. But, unfortunately, Skipper found out about the whole thing, so his lieutenant and little sister both got stuck with the same punishment:

"_MAINTENANCE DUTY FOR SIX WEEKS!_"

**14. ****Take Burt's peanuts and you'll regret living. (Requested by Rookie70Penguin) *WARNING*: VERY OOC.**

Burt the elephant yawned. He opened his eyes to a beautiful sunrise. The sun, a mere orange orb, was still low in the sky, and it was surrounded by wisps of pink and orange clouds. The chatter of squirrels and birds filled his large ears, and he could faintly hear Skipper and his men having their morning exercise. Skipper seemed to be yelling at them.

He sighed, whether in the fact that Skipper could wake the zoo if he kept yelling, or in appreciation of the stunning sunrise was unclear.

As most stereotypical elephants would, Burt headed over to his stash of peanuts for a quick breakfast. He grabbed one sack with his trunk and tore it open. He grabbed some peanuts and—wait a minute, there weren't any peanuts in his trunk at all! He glanced over at the sacks, but to his alarm he saw all of them were opened, and no peanuts were left.

Burt let out a loud and distressed-sounding trumpet, which woke up all the animals and people who lived within a one-kilometer radius.

Immediately, the penguins ceased training – or in Skipper's case, yelling—and belly slid all the way to the distraught pachyderm's habitat.

"What's the early-morning dilemma about, Big Gray?" Skipper demanded.

"M-my peanuts!" He gestured at the large pile of empty peanut sacks. "I've been robbed of my most favorite food!" He trembled in horror, imagining life without the center of his life and his world: peanuts.

"Hey! What's the big idea, mate?" A voice called from across Burt's habitat. Sure enough, it was Joey.

"What's the big idea, waking up Joey just like that?" The kangaroo repeated, getting more and more furious by the second. "Joey needs his beauty rest, you know!"

"Now, marsupial, let's calm down a—!" Skipper began

"JOEY NEVER CALMS DOWN!"

Without warning, Joey burst out of his habitat and began chasing the penguins. Burt soon followed.

"Skipper!" Private cried out in fright. "We'd better find those peanuts if we don't want to turn into—into—penguin butter **[3]**!" Private snickered at his own joke. The other penguins looked exasperated at his inappropriateness.

"Wait, peanut butter—we ran out yesterday and didn't buy a new jar no matter how much Lolla begged." Realization dawned on Kowalski as they belly slid around the zoo, trying to lose their pursuers.

"Lolla took Burt's peanuts!" All four said in unison.

"Oh no..." Kowalski groaned.

"Redirect destination back to HQ," Skipper instructed. "And... go!"

The group of penguins made a sharp turn and headed back to their habitat, which caused their pursuers to crash and bump into each other. Then—

"Whoa, the whole _zoo_ is after us!" Private marvelled.

"Some people are cranky if they don't get enough sleep." Kowalski muttered. "And by 'some', I mean 'all'."

The penguins quickly arrived back at the HQ and made it back inside just in time before the cranky zoosters got there. As with most of their zoo riots, the larger animals trampled around while the smaller ones tried to find a way inside. Marlene stared into the periscope angrily. Kowalski gulped, averting his gaze from the periscope.

"What's the status on the riot, Kowalski?" questioned Skipper.

"Um, the usual: larger animals trampling around, small animals figuring out a way in here." He replied nervously.

"Alright," Skipper exhaled. "Rico, Kowalski, keep an eye on the mob. Private and I will find Lolla."

"Yessir." The other three penguins saluted.

"Okay, let's start at the lab," said Skipper. Private rushed over to the door of the lab and pushed it open. There stood Lolla with a small plastic jar, which was filled with peanut butter.

"Oh, hey guys." Lolla calmly greeted. She stuck a spoon into the jar and scooped out a big glob of peanut butter which she promptly swallowed.

"Want some? It took me all night to make this one jar of peanut butter."

"Where'd you get the peanuts?" Skipper asked in a slightly accusatory tone.

"Burt's. Got 'em when he was asleep." She shrugged, as if this were no big deal.

"_Do you realize what you've done?!_" Private and Skipper screamed together.

"Wha—what?" Lolla seemed to be slightly concerned now.

"Th-th-there's a m-mob after us!" Private blurted, stammering in terror. "When Burt saw that his peanuts were missing he let out this loud elephant... sound and then it woke up the other animals and Kowalski said everyone's cranky if they don't get their sleep so then they chased us and _now they got in!_" Joey's face, red with rage, appeared in the window of the door. He punched it open and it broke off.

All three shrieked.

"No!" Skipper cried. Kowalski and Rico were tied up in rope. They gagged Rico so he couldn't barf up anything to save the day.

Meanwhile, angry shrieks and shouts surrounded the five:

"_Never _mess with Joey's sleeping schedule!"

"Do you know how aggravating it is to be awakened by a loud sound?! And _in the morning?!_" Marlene screamed hysterically. She had a bad case of the bed head.

"I say, we should punish these five for getting Burt's peanuts and thereby upsetting him which caused this whole mess!" shouted Mason.

"For once, I am agreeing with something that wasn't decree-ed by moi." Julien said.

"Burt! Get them out of here!"

"Okay!"

Suddenly, they got hit on their necks and passed out.

Later, the penguins and Lolla came to. They found out they were all gagged and tied together.

"Hey, they're awake," called Marlene, her fur all fixed up by now.

"Alright," Burt ripped the gag off Skipper's beak. "Where are the peanuts?" He demanded. The others were stunned. They had never seen mild-mannered Burt act so aggressively.

Skipper remained silent.

"Not talking, ay? Well, I'll make you talk then." He positioned his posterior, about to squash the penguins.

"No!" Private cried. "It's Lolla! She made peanut butter out of all your peanuts."

"No, no, no!" The Yorkie shrieked from under the gag.

The last thing she saw was the elephant's posterior crashing down on her.

Weeks later...

"I already said I was sorry!" Private pleaded. He hated it when people were mad at him.

Lolla replied with her trademark scowl-pouts, as Kowalski affixed the bandages on her broken left hind foot.

**15. Never let Julien redecorate the HQ. (Requested by )**

"Unbelievable." Skipper moaned.

Today the penguins were redecorating the HQ. But Skipper hadn't organized this. Lolla had.

Apparently, his younger sister developed a flair for interior design, and she wanted to test it out in real life instead of in Sims games.

"So, we've got paint samples, wallpaper, blinds... okay, everything's here." Lolla chirped brightly.

"Let's get this started!" Private grinned. He was as excited as Lolla. Kowalski and Rico too were thrilled to finally fix up their old and rusty HQ.

"Oh please no... She'll turn it into Girlie McHippie Land."

"Didn't you say four rules ago that I was extremely boyish?" Lolla argued while breaking the fourth wall. "I'm just a masculine as you all are."

The boys all chuckled. Lolla glared in response.

"Laugh one more time then I _will _turn this into Girlie McHippie land."

"Not laughing!" Skipper said immediately.

"...Alright, so—" Lolla began.

The telephone suddenly rung.

"What now?" Lolla complained.

Skipper answered it. He nodded and muttered. "Yessir."

"Men and Lolla, seems to me that we're going on a really important mission."

"Whoa whoa, a mission? Hey, call me coco but I just don't want to go on a mission right now." Lolla denied.

"They specifically told me to let you come."

"Why?"

"We'll ask once we get there, okay?"

"Fine. But who'll decorate the place when we get back? I think this mission's gonna take all day, and I'll be way too tired to decorate it myself." Lolla shrugged.

Skipper dragged a flipper down his face. _Honestly, females..._

"Well, how about King Julien?" suggested Private.

"No." Skipper and Lolla said together.

"Why not?"

"He'll trash the place for sure."

"Oh come on, King Julien's pretty good at decorating. Remember last year's Halloween party?"

"Oh yeah, the one with the cool jack-o-lanterns and the fake dead bodies hanging from the walls and ceilings." Lolla smiled.

"See? So he's not so bad."

"Oh alright. But if he louses this up you owe me three jars of peanut butter."

So that was how it went. The group hired Julien to decorate the HQ while they were gone on a "very important mission". Maurice and Mort could help too—"Yay! I like interior designing!" And what certain style did the group request? Well, after a long debate, they settled on a new coat of paint for all the furniture.

"Don't you dare mess it up!" Skipper and Lolla warned.

"We made it simple even a brainless microorganism can achieve it!" Kowalski said.

"Don't flir` w` Ms. Perky!" Rico barked.

"Good luck!" Private said.

After ten long hours, the group returned to the HQ.

"Unbelievable!" Skipper said. "This 'very important mission' turned out to be a buffet cooking!"

His sister nodded in agreement. "Those cheapskates. Can't even hire a proper chef."

"I think I burnt the roast beef." Private said nervously.

"I _told _you that it was supposed to be set at exactly 189 degrees Fahrenheit. Did you listen? No!" Kowalski sarcastically remarked.

"Uh, ate roast beef." Rico smiled sheepishly at Private, who breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness. Now they won't eat it."

Skipper twisted the hatch open and hopped inside to—

_Disaster! _The word blasted in all five's minds.

The pipes were dented and water was leaking out of them. The walls were painted with strange and unattractive color combinations. The fridge was raided. Old mission files spilled out of the cabinets. The floor and the ceiling were stained with paints. And—"Oh no!" Lolla cried—the wallpapers and blinds were torn and destroyed beyond recognition.

"RINGTAIL!" Skipper yelled at the top of his lungs.

Julien appeared beside him.

"Yes, stinky penguin?"

"What. Did. You. Do?!"

"I let Mort do the decoration-ing while I sunbathed and got massaged." Julien explained. "And I let him eat all your Winkies because he was being so droopy and sleepy."

"_YOU WHAT?!" _Private shrieked.

"I knew this interior decorating thing was a _bad_ idea!" Skipper groaned.

"Please don't let it be my lab. Please don't let it be my lab. Please don't let it be my lab. Please don't let it be my lab." Kowalski chanted.

"You owe me three jars of peanut butter!" shouted Lolla.

"Ms. Perky!" Rico shouted.

**16. Never spy on Marlene. (Requested by Bml1997)**

Skipper was heading over to Marlene's place to get some chocolate for Lolla.

_Why can't she get them herself? _He wondered. "Marlene!" He called loudly.

He received no response. He called out again, except louder.

Still no response. He decided to walk in and see why.

"_HEY, I'M ROLANDA._

_YOU'RE SUCH A HOTTIE!_

_CAN I KISS YOU? _

_I WANT YOUR BODY!"_

Marlene was singing a parody of Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen. She was using an old lollipop stick as a microphone and was jumping and running around as she sang. Skipper snickered discreetly. It was hilarious to see someone doing something really embarrassing when they think no one's around.

Marlene, meanwhile, heard soft laughter behind her. She twirled around to see none other than Skipper von Callen-Hudgen watching her and snickering. Her face suddenly felt very warm.

"NO! SKIPPER!" She walked up to him angrily, holding a pipe wrench she kept in case of emergencies.

The last thing Commander von Callen-Hudgen saw was the pipe wrench about to strike him on his head.

...

"The sea—is—it is—number green!" Skipper sputtered like a broken robot.

"Oh, von Callen-Hudgen." Lolla said sadly, shaking her head. "Why must you stick your beak in everyone's business?"

**17. Never take Private's Lunacorn. (Requested by Rookie70Penguin) *WARNING* Tons of verbal abuse in here. I'm still scarred. O.O**

"Duchess Kindheart!" Private lifted Lolla's pet bed.

"Duchess Kindheart!" He checked inside the fridge.

"Duchess Kindheart!" He crawled under the table.

"DUCHESS KI—!"

"Okay, what are you looking for?" Lolla growled in annoyance.

"My Lunacorn Duchess Kindheart! I lost her and I can't find her!" Private explained, his eyes watering. "Worst of all, she's the only one left in existence!"

"Really?" questioned the other.

Private nodded. "Duchess Kindheart is a limited edition!"

Suddenly, Kowalski jumped out of his lab.

"EUREKA! I'VE DONE IT!" He screamed. He got out a remote and pressed a button.

Duchess Kindheart rolled out of the lab!

"DUCHESS KINDHEART! I'VE FOUND YOU!" Private squealed. He ran over to the Lunacorn and hugged it.

Suddenly, its head lifted and a missile was revealed inside the throat (ew). It shot one and it careened around the HQ. The animals ducked low to avoid getting hurt.

When the missile blew up far away from them, Private slowly got up and crawled to the Lunacorn.

"Duchess Kindheart...?" His voice sounded like a sad child's. "I-I thought we were friends..."

"Oh, oops." Kowalski chuckled. "I just remembered it doesn't recognize your flipper print."

"Oops? Recognize? _Flipper print?_" Private squeaked.

"Look at this seemingly innocent Lunacorn. But when an unauthorized person touches it, it shoots out missiles!" Kowalski explained.

"And you used _my_ Lunacorn?!"Private's voice dropped to a low growl.

"Exactly." Kowalski replied, not noticing the change in tone.

"_Do you know what you have done?!_" Private shrieked. "_Now I'll never fall asleep in the Land of Sleepytime Clouds again! Duchess Kindheart was the conductor of the only train which goes there! What'll I do? WHAT'LL I DO?! She'll shoot out missiles if I even touch her!_" Private bawled. "_I'LL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN!"_

At this point Lolla and Kowalski slowly edged away from Private. Private looked up from his flippers and put on the angriest face he could muster.

"_YOU!_" He stomped towards Kowalski. "_YOU JUST _HAD_ TO USE MY LUNACORN! WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST USE SOME OTHER STINKING THING, HUH?! OR BETTER YET, STOP INVENTING! IT ONLY BRINGS DISASTER!"_

"_AND YOU!" _He pointed at Lolla. "_WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM?!"_

"What?" spat out Lolla. "I didn't do anything!"

Private replied with the single most terrifying glare which would scare the socks off anyone who would see it. (Just imagine the scariest glare you've ever seen and multiply that by ten.)

Skipper and Rico returned from buying snowcones an hour later after this episode. They opened the hatch and dropped down to see—

- Kowalski and Lolla huddled in the corner quaking in fear, and Private sitting in front of the TV cuddling his new de-missilized Lunacorn, a far cry from the horrifying monster we have seen earlier.

Skipper sighed. These things happen way too often.

"Report incident, Kowalski."

"N-n-never e-ever t-t-take Pr-Private's L-L-Lu-Lunacorn. E-Ever." He faltered. Lolla nodded shakily.

Skipper and Rico looked over at Private, who simply smiled at them and continued cuddling his Lunacorn.

**18. Don't invite Dr. Blowhole or the Hobokeners for a party. (Requested by Cheycartoongirl8)**

"C'mon, please." Lolla begged.

"Never! I would rather dive into a shark-infested trench!" Skipper swore.

"But Cartoongirl made sure they wouldn't do anything evil!"

"Well, if Cartoongirl made sure they won't do anything, then I guess it's alright—"

"Okay!" She interrupted. "Guys! We can set up for the party now!"

"Party!" Rico cheered. He hacked up a confetti blaster and shot it. But instead of harmless confetti, a missile popped out. Kowalski quickly opened the hatch and the missile shot out. The group exhaled in relief.

"Well, that was close." Private broke the silence.

"Yeah," said Lolla, nodding in agreement. "Any sooner that missile would've killed somebody."

"Yeah," said Lolla, nodding in agreement. "Any sooner that missile would've killed somebody."

"My car!" A cry in the distance was audible.

"...Or at least killed his car." Lolla finished awkwardly. "...Anyway, let's get started on decorating the zoo for Christmas!"

Everyone but Skipper cheered. Skipper faceflippered.

"Why, oh why did I agree to this?"

Several hours later, the zoo was decorated beautifully. A tall pine tree sat on the center of the penguins' habitat. It was finely decorated with ribbons wrapped around it, Christmas balls of varying sizes and designs hanging from its evergreen leaves; candy canes and other popular Christmas decorations hung from the leaves as well; and there was one big, golden star right on top.

The rest of the zoo was equally festive. Streamers and ribbons adorned the zoo walls. Mistletoe was hidden in some places to surprise the couple underneath, and among them were Skipper and Marlene.

"When will they be here?" prodded Skipper. He briefly glanced over his shoulder at the laughing animals who have begun feasting on the Christmas buffet. (Rather rude, if you ask me; they didn't wait for the other guests to arrive.)

Lolla grunted in annoyance. She looked over at the zoo's clock, which read 11:36 AM.

"Cartoongirl said they'd be here by 11:30." She frowned. "Huh, they're running pretty late..."

All of a sudden, the animals heard a huge crash. When the debris cleared, it revealed Dr. Blowhole, Savio, Hans, Clemson, Lulu and Rhonda. The Hobokeners were here.

"You!" Skipper immediately recovered from the surprise. He advanced towards Blowhole. "Why are you six minutes late?!" He looked over at the destroyed wall. "And, you could've used the gate, you know."

"Calm down." The dolphin made a face. "You're not my wife." Skipper's face was priceless when he heard this.

"Besides, if we used the gate we'd be caught on camera," added Clemson.

"Hey guys!" greeted Lolla. "Welcome to the party! We're already serving the food and—"

"_FOOD!_" Hans and Clemson shouted in unison. They zoomed over to the buffet table.

"They always like this?" Lolla questioned the other Hobokeners.

"Since their twisted paths crossed." Lulu replied sagely. She went after them to make sure they didn't get all the food.

"Anyways, Blowhole, don't do anything stupid, evil or geeky today. Or your sister'll..." She whispered the rest into Blowhole's earhole. He gasped loudly.

"She wouldn't!"

"She would." Lolla replied. "Now get over there and eat!"

Blowhole immediately rolled over to the buffet table.

"And, uh, Savio?" Lolla's usually brave and smart façade crumbled into a tiny and afraid one. "Um, don't eat anyone I guess."

Savio hissed. "I will make no sssuch promisssess."

"Oh, okay, I guess. Bye..."

"What'd you tell Blowhole? And when did you become such a scaredy-cat?" Skipper asked once the Hobokeners were out or earshot.

"One, can't tell you. But it's seriously embarrassing, that's for sure. And two, Savio is scary. Heck, no one's unafraid of him!"

"Except Ocean and Cartoongirl," reminded her brother.

"Oh right." Lolla remembered. "Let's go to the buffet table. Hopefully Clemson and Hans didn't eat all the food..."

After the party ended at 6 PM, the Hobokeners departed.

"Bye guys! Come back next year!" Lolla waved.

"Not." She added exasperatedly. "I can't believe Hans and Clemson finished all the desserts!"

"I can't believe that Blowhole beat me in a debate about quantum physics!" complained Kowalski.

"Hey, he did something geeky!" said Lolla. She grinned evilly (ironic, right?). "Oh ho ho, he's in a whole lot of trouble.

"Wasn't cute when Phil and Lulu got caught under the mistletoe?" sighed Private.

"Yes, but the make-out stuff was too much," shuddered Lolla.

"Bleh!" gagged Rico.

"So Skipper. How was it like inviting the Hobokeners to the party?" Lolla questioned.

"Well, most of them were a pain in the neck, but overall I guess it's not _that _bad..."

He lifted the hatch to the HQ. They were home.

When they climbed down...

"_THEY VANDALIZED THE HQ!_" Skipper yelled hysterically.

The vandalism somewhat resembled the interior designing catastrophe. Pipes leaking and all.

"I need an aspirin." Skipper muttered. He walked over to the fridge and—

"_Where's our food?!_"

Indeed, the fridge was completely empty, save for a small scrap of paper. Kowalski picked it up and read it out loud.

"_Dear Lolla and the pen-goo-ins,_

_Thanks a lot for inviting us to the party. I hope you like our little present for you in Kowalski's lab. See you next year! _

_Sincerely, the Hobokeners_

_P.S. IN YOUR FACE KOWALSKI! From Blowhole"_

Kowalski viciously ripped the paper into shreds when he read this part.

"Those little—" Skipper clenched his flippers tightly.

"Wait a minute," interrupted Kowalski. "I hear... ticking."

"That must be my temper then." Skipper replied sarcastically.

"No, wait, I hear it too." Private said.

"I don't hear any—! Oh, I heard it too."

Rico tilted his head quizzically.

"Was tick-tockin'?"

"It's coming from the lab. I'm going to investigate." Kowalski announced. He peeked into his lab and inside there was a—

"_RUN! THERE'S A STINK BOMB!"_

"_What?!_" The others exclaimed incredulously.

_Tick... tick... tick... tick... BOOOM! BOOM! _

...

"Phee-yew!" Alice covered her nose. "What'd you guys been eating? It smells like week-old dog turds marinated in spoiled sludge from Hoboken's sewers... during the summer!"

The penguins and Lolla made faces and tried not to smell themselves or the HQ.

**19. Never take Private's Winkies, or he'll go COO-COO-ACHOO! (Requested by privaterookie24)**

Today the penguins were topside doing their morning exercises. Lolla sat nearby, sipping a glass of strawberry milk and crunching on a small bag of cereal.

"And, one and two and three and four and five and six and seven and eight." Skipper counted.

"Okay, we're done with morning training." Skipper said. "Let's go back in."

"Golly, I'm famished." Private rubbed his tummy. "I can go for some Winkies right now." He climbed into the HQ with Lolla and the rest of the penguins, headed for the fridge and opened it. "Darn, I'll catch you someday, little man!" Private said **[4]**. What he saw in the fridge shocked him.

"_WHERE ARE MY WINKIES?!_" Private's scream was so loud it nearly toppled the others off their feet.

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa. Calm down Private!" Skipper said.

"My Winkies..." Private whimpered. Skipper put a reassuring flipper around the rookie.

"Don't worry, we can get some more tomorrow."

"You said that yesterday," reminded Kowalski. "And I clearly remember there were five boxes in the fridge this morning."

"Really...?" Skipper frowned.

"So," Kowalski said. "Someone stole it. And this particular thief had to be here this morning, loves chocolate to the point of stealing it, and is actually crazy enough to steal it from Private." The genius noticed Private's dirty look and quickly added, "No offense."

"So, _Lolla_," Skipper began. Lolla flinched and spun around. Her paws were behind her back.

"Who do _you_ think stole the Winkies?"

Lolla shrugged nonchalantly, bringing her paws up. "No idea." The group gasped. Her paws and mouth were stained with chocolate and peanut butter filling.

"AH-HA! BUSTED!" Kowalski and Skipper exclaimed.

_Oh no..._ Lolla thought grimly.

"You. Little. Thief." Private snarled, closing in upon Lolla. "NONE MAY TOUCH THE WINKIES." His normally sweet and angelic voice warped into a demonic and menacing yet oddly British-sounding one. He lightly punched Rico in the stomach, and Rico regurgitated a chain saw. Private caught it and turned in on.

"AHAHAHHAHAAHA!" Private cackled. Add on a mad scientist's costume and some lightning in the background and Private would look like a mad scientist. Without warning, he began chasing poor Lolla around.

"HEEEELP MEEE!"

...

"Seriously, how do you get into these situations so often?" Kowalski asked dubiously, wrapping some plaster around Lolla's many broken bones.

"It was so worth it." Lolla let out a feeble smile.

**20. Never mess with Marlene's Spanish guitar. Even if you're trying to impress her. (Requested by Rookie70Penguin)**

_Hmmm, Marlene already knows that I "like" like her. Maybe I should impress her so she can like me even more!_

This was the thought running through Skipper's mind as he walked over to Marlene's habitat. The otter was out somewhere, so he had no trouble getting in.

_There must be something in here that I can—hold everything! That's it!_

Skipper spied Marlene's favorite Spanish guitar. He picked it up and strummed it. It sounded a little off key, so he adjusted the pegs and kept re-tuning it.

But somehow (don't ask me how he did it), the Spanish guitar broke in half.

_Fish and chips man! She will _kill _me if she found out!_

Then, there was the sound of footsteps behind him. Oh crud.

"Oh, hey Skipper. When did you get here?"

Skipper spun and leaned against the wall, trying to hide the broken guitar behind him.

"Oh, ahem," He coughed. "Just a while ago. Well, I'd better get going!" With that he quickly dashed out of the room.

Marlene shook her head in confusion. She would never understand men.

Meanwhile, with Skipper...

Just when he thought he was completely safe and Marlene would never discover the broken guitar—

"SKIPPER!"

His younger sister suddenly came in out of nowhere. "I think you'll be needing this." She handed him a garbage can lid, which can function as a shield.

"Tell the boys that they have to plan for my funeral, okay?"

"Sure, big bro. Good luck."

"_Skipper!_" Marlene was quickly running to the flat-headed penguin. She was holding the two pieces of the broken guitar and her special emergency pipe wrench.

"Oh no!"

...

"THE MONKEYS ARE CLIMBING OVER THE BEDROOM WALL!"

"That's the third injury this week!" Kowalski noted. "What happened this time?"

"Let's just say it involved Skipper, a broken guitar, and a pipe wrench. " Lolla muttered.

* * *

**A/N: See, I told you Marlene. No Romanian crickets in here anywhere!  
Marlene: There's always next chapter.**

**Me: *shakes head in disbelief* What's WITH you people and Romanian crickets?**

**Okay! That's one heck of a long chapter, ay? Hoped you enjoyed it, and don't forget to submit your rules! Some may not make it though. :(**

**My Answer to the Last Chapter's Question:**

**Of course I do. -.- I'm the one who typed it. **

**Question of the Chapter:**

**What part about Christmas do you like the most and why?**

**[1]. This is pronounced as "Later!" except the T sounds like a D and the "er" becomes an "ah"**

**[2]. Lol, I insulted myself. :)**

**[3]. This is a pun of peanut butter. Quite _nutty_, don't you agree?**

**[4]. This is reference to the fact that Private believes there's a little man in the fridge that turns the light on and off. I used to believe in that too!**


	4. Rules 21-30

**A/N: Howdy-hey, I'm baaack!  
So sorry for not updating for a long time. I've had writer's block, and- you know how it is. ;)**

**DISCLAIMER: Private! Can ya do the disclaimer?**

**Private: Of course! itsalollapalooza23 doesn't own anything here that has been taken. She does own Miss Jacobs and some other stuff I can't remember. But she does NOT own Swiss piggy banks!**

**Me: Swiss piggy-? Oh chiz, I sense a new running gag here. ENJOY LE STORY!**

* * *

**21. Don't sign up Skipper for a sewing class. (Requested by K TheEpicPenguin)**

"I'm telling you, it'll be fun. Heck, you'll be better than me by the time you finish!" Lolla urged.

Lolla had recently enrolled her brother in an arts and crafts class. She envisioned her and her brother, sketching and giving each other tips on how to be a better artist, as this was her current goal in life.

"No. I'm not going." Skipper said firmly.

Lolla squinted. "Flatheadedpenguinwho'llgotohisartsandcraftsclasss ayswhat?"

"What?"

"Excellent!" The Yorkie let out a wicked grin while Skipper groaned. She tugged her brother to the Zoovenir shop since the arts and crafts class was being held there. She burst through the door dramatically. Eleven pairs of eyes looked back at her.

Lolla exhaled, brushing her messy bangs out of her eyes. "Sorry we're late. My brother here—" She yanked her brother forward. "—tried to skip class today. Which is totally expectant, since his name is Skipper. I'm his younger sister, Lolla, and I'm here to drop him off. "

The stork –who was the teacher for the arts and crafts class—nodded and pushed her rimless glasses up her thin beak. "Thank you for joining us today, Skipper. Please have a seat."

Skipper grumbled and took a place in the second row, between a ten-year-old chipmunk with a missing tooth and an elderly squirrel.

"Toodle-loo, Skippah mah lad!" Lolla waved and sashayed out of the shop.

The stork blinked for a few seconds, then cleared her throat. "Good morning class. My name is Ruby Jacobs. You may call me Miss Jacobs. I will be your Arts and Crafts teacher.

"For today, our theme will be crafts. We will alternate between arts and crafts." Miss Jacobs continued. "Our lesson for today shall be sewing."

_Say what? _Skipper snapped out of his daydream about riding on a missile to the moon.

Meanwhile, Lolla was going back home, ready to spend the whole day watching TV. Well, at least until 3 PM, because that's when the Lunacorns show.

"_NEE-EEDLE!"_

Lolla cringed as the ear-splitting scream hit her sensitive dog ears. She ran back to the Zoovenir shop.

When she opened the door she saw Skipper running in a panicked way, screaming a seemingly unending chant of "_NEEDLE NEEDLE NEEDLE GET IT AWAY FROM ME!"_

Miss Jacobs walked up to her with the look that said "I can't believe you brought this nutcase in here".

"I believe he belongs to you?" She gestured a wing at the frenzied Skipper, who was knocking over the bags of cotton and running through pieces of cloth and thread. **[1]**

Lolla put two paws on her head and pulled on the fur.

"Why must he embarrass me so?" She whimpered.

**22. ****Never turn out the lights of Kowalski's lab while he's in there experimenting. (Requested by Bml1997)**

"So, if I mix this hydrochloric acid with the—Lolla! Stop flickering the lights!" Kowalski shouted.

Lolla pouted and stepped away from the switch. "But I'm trying to balance the switch between on and off!" **[2]**

"What the—?" Kowalski sighed. "Just don't do that. The light switch is old and it might get stuck in one position."

"That's ridiculous. Why didn't you just replace it?"

"We don't have the time or money!"

"Oh, you can bring Private to a Lunacorn musical but you can't get a new light switch?" Lolla remarked sarcastically.

"Whatever! Just—leave it alone, okay?"

"Fine." Lolla scowled. She scampered out of the lab.

A few hours later, Lolla walked near the door to the lab. Kowalski was still inside, absorbed in his task of experimenting.

She flicked the switch to off and immediately heard something spill and crash. She tried to flick it to on, but the switch was stuck in the off position, just as Kowalski said it would.

"_LOLLA!_"

_Moral of the story_, Lolla thought, hurriedly climbing the ladder leading to the zoo. _Always listen to Kowalski._

**23. ****Don't steal the chimps' chessboard. (Requested by Agent Bobcat)**

_Almost done! _Lolla thought, beaming. She was trying to make a chair out of recycled things found in the zoo—"Go green!" she said every time someone asked her why. _Now, all I need is a seat_, she thought, standing up the supports which were made from old pieces of wood she found when some construction workers were renovating the zoo office.

A dictionary would be too heavy for the supports; a bulletin board was out of her reach; and she had no books which could fit.

Hm, that left one other option: the chimps' chessboard. She started heading to the hatch to obtain aforementioned object when—

"Lolla, what are you planning now?" Skipper called, not averting his gaze from the Sunday newspaper.

"What do you mean planning?" Lolla asked. "I'm just going out."

"And...?"

"Gonna enjoy the sun, maybe walk around a little." Lolla shrugged.

"Well, that's not too suspicious. But I have an eye on you."

"This coming from the penguin who's to busy reading the newspaper to make eye contact with me." Lolla rolled her eyes. "Bye."

"Bye."

It was still rather early, so not many animals were up yet, and that included Mason and Phil. When she reached their habitat, the two chimps were sound asleep. Mason was slumped on a tree branch and Phil was hanging in the tire swing. But where was the chessboard?

"Chessboard? Come out, come out wherever you are." Lolla said, as though it would make the search easier. She entered a small hole, barely large enough for the Yorkie to slip through. The cave was as large as the entire habitat. It was furnished with a net hammock hanging in the corner, and a shelf carved out of concrete occupying the left wall. The shelf was filled with thick books which seemed to weigh about as much as the Yorkie, antique globes that would make a good price in any auction, and a decrepit microscope which has seen better days.

"Oh hey, there it is." Lolla murmured, spying the chessboard placed on a high shelf. It even had a pedestal, complete with a spotlight.

_Some people just prize their possessions way too much_, Lolla thought, beginning to climb the tall shelf. She was careful to avoid knocking over things as she ascended. Stealing their chessboard was enough, ruining their stuff would result in immediate demise.

"Got it!" She grabbed the board with both paws, before realizing her mistake.

_I am an idiot. _That was the last thought Lolla recalled before she felt the cold, hard, unforgiving concrete slam against her back.

"Aaahhh. Ahhh. The paaaain." Lolla wheezed as she wobbled out of the cave, chessboard in paw.

"Hi Lolla! What's that?" Private asked as soon as Lolla returned.

"I—it's a board for my chair." Lolla rasped. The pain was still there, persistently lingering on her back.

"Okay." Private smiled. He frisked over to the fridge to get some Winkies.

Later that day, Lolla finished up her new chair. It worked flawlessly until...

"Have you seen our chessboard?" Mason asked calmly. Phil made angry gestures, anything but calm.

"Whoa, chessboard? What chessboard?" Skipper questioned suspiciously.

"Ours, of course!" exclaimed Mason. "It was not in it usual place."

"Then maybe you misplaced it." Private suggested helpfully. Mason shook his head.

"We always make sure we place it in the same predictable location day after day.

"Oh, well..." Private trailed off.

"May you grant us permission to have a look around your premises in case our chessboard may be within it?"

Skipper nodded briefly. "But don't get too close." He added.

The group—Mason, Phil, Skipper and Private—began looking in the lab, where Lolla was putting the finishing touches on her chair. The second the chimps saw their precious chessboard glued to recycled wood—it was a nightmare.

...

"As if a bruised back wasn't enough." Lolla whined.

"As they say, less talking, more scraping." Mason said. The little dog pouted and continued scraping off the hardened glue.

**24. ****Don't ever invent in Kowalski's lab without asking. It leads to nasty results... STARRING THE REQUESTER... (Requested by starfire207)**

Audrey Nguyen (better known as starfire207 in the Fanfiction world) was visiting her newly-discovered cousin Kowalski today.

"Hi Audrey!" greeted Lolla. The two were friends online (God bless !) and this was the first time they met each other in real life.

"Hi Lolla!" The penguin smiled. "So, where's Ko-ko?"

"He's out buying nachos cause he lost a bet to Rico."

"Bet?"

"Yeah! Rico bet Kowalski that if he couldn't give up watching documentaries for a week he'd buy nachos for everyone."

"Pfft, impossible."

"I know. So right now he's out."

"Okay." Audrey headed towards the lab.

"Where ya going?" Her friend questioned.

"I'm gonna try inventing in Ko-ko's lab, just to see why he loves it there so much."

"You know, I was wondering about that too. I'm coming with!"

_Several minutes later..._

_That Rico, he specifically requested nachos because they're so expensive! There goes my monthly savings... Oh, he's so gonna get it next time, I swear it...! _Kowalski grumbled, carrying several small trays of nachos.

Suddenly, a green rabbit with two pairs of ears, four pairs of eyes, frog's legs, and a dragon's tail zoomed by, cawing loudly.

"What the—?!" Kowalski sputtered. How could this be? Disasters like this only happened when he was in the lab inventing, but he wasn't obviously. Then, he remembered that his cousin Audrey "Poison Ivy" Nguyen was visiting today. In some twisted way, Lolla and Audrey have already met and befriended each other. He couldn't blame them; they were very similar, especially in the "troublemaker" and "pest" departments. It would be highly likely for them to be the cause of this mess... but how?

Kowalski belly slid all the way back to the HQ, careful to keep the nachos from falling. As soon as he reach said destination, he quickly placed the nachos on the table (which Skipper, Private and Rico graciously began to eat) and dashed into his lab.

Penguin and dog were hiding in the corner. Kowalski came up to them.

"What. Did. You. _DO?!_" Kowalski yelled, then ducked to avoid getting hit by a ladder-microwave hybrid.

"We, uh, did some experimenting." Audrey said meekly.

"And it kinda went wrong."

"I knew this was a bad idea from the start..." Kowalski mumbled.

**25. If you hear Kowalski say "Eureka!" get out of there as soon as possible. (Requested by Peach Italian Ice)**

"Eureka!" Kowalski's voice rang loudly in the HQ.

"Oh no..." groaned Skipper. "Evacuate!"

"Evacuate? Why now?" Lolla asked. "I'm in the middle of doing my Digi Arts project!"

"Then bring your laptop with you; wouldn't want it to be destroyed, huh?"

Lolla snorted. "Please. It'll survive."

Skipper shrugged. "Whatever you say. Now let's get the heck out of here!

"Men! Commence Operation: Detonation Evacuation Situation!"

"Excellent codename." Lolla observed.

"Oh shut up. Move out and get away from here ASAP!"

The team quickly obeyed and instantly arrived in a safe location away from the HQ—behind a tree in the park.

"Why do you insist on doing this?" Lolla asked.

"Whenever Kowalski shouts 'Eureka!' like that, there's always gonna be a disaster and/or explosion involved." Skipper explained.

"Oh really?"

_BOOM!_

"Told you so." Skipper smirked.

The team went back to the HQ.

"Wow. That's the biggest explosion yet!" wondered Private.

Indeed, the explosion was so large it obliterated the entire HQ, even until the path.

"OH CHIZ!" Lolla cried out when she saw the now-ruined HQ. She immediately ran for her laptop, which was severely damaged, but could be repaired.

Kowalski randomly fell from the sky, his whole body covered in soot.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Lolla screamed at him, shaking him back and forth.

"I—" Kowalski took out his clipboard, and chuckled. "I forgot to add five when I was multiplying the most important variables of the equation."

"_My laptop!_"

Kowalski inspected the laptop. "Hm, it can be fixed. I'll fix it. But it's so damaged that it might take several months, maybe even a year."

"Well, if it's gonna be fixed, I guess I can deal with it." Lolla hesitantly agreed.

_Ten minutes later..._

"So... little... things... to do. Needs... technology..." Lolla sat in the corner, twitching.

"I _told _you to bring your laptop. Did you listen? _No!_" Skipper retorted.

**26. Don't play with Ms. Perky. (Requested by Bml1997)**

Private was sitting at the table in the HQ, bored to the point of counting the number of keys on Lolla's netbook** [3]**. The Lunacorns didn't show until 3 PM, and that was two hours from now. And there was no one to talk with, except Lolla and Kowalski, but both were too busy and they hated being bothered when they were busy.

Wandering his eyes further he spotted Ms. Perky, Rico's beloved doll. He stood up and walked over to her. Her bright blue eyes shimmered prettily, and her blond hair shone in the light. He picked her up and began playing with her.

"Hi Ms. Perky, how are you doing today?" He asked.

"Oh, I'm fine Private. How about you?" He replied in a higher pitch to represent Ms. Perky.

"I'm sad and lonely and bored."

"Oh, don't worry Private. I'm always there for you to talk to."

"Really? Thanks a lot Ms. Perky!"

Around an hour later, Rico and Skipper returned from Operation: Snowcone MDCLXII (1,642).

And, unluckily, Rico saw Private talking to Ms. Perky. He apparently thought Ms. Perky would rather spend time with the rookie than with him, and that angered him. Angered him deeply.

"NO ONE PLAY WI'H MS. PERKY!"

Private dropped Ms. Perky and bolted.

"Ms. Perky!" Rico caught the doll and dipped her down, kissing her passionately.

Private, Skipper and Lolla made faces.

"That's cute, maybe." Lolla remarked awkwardly.

**27. Don't comment on Joey's pouch. (Requested by Agent Bobcat)**

"Hello neighbor!"

Joey the kangaroo cringed as the loud and decidedly annoying voice hit his eardrums.

"Joey don't got no time for you." He replied stonily.

Apparently, Julien – the self-proclaimed "King of the Lemurs"—couldn't take a hint. He leaped over to Joey's habitat.

"Hey, Joey," began Julien. "I am not having noticed how, well, big your pouchy-pouch-pouch is."

"Don't. Comment. On. The. Pouch." Joey said through gritted teeth.

Julien ignored him and reached inside, startling Joey. The king pulled out a comic book, a bag of unpopped popcorn, some maracas, a jade necklace (which Julien had proceeded to wear much to Joey's chagrin), and a variety of other random stuff.

"Wow, Joey, your pouchy-pouch-pouch is the most awesomest thing ever!" exclaimed Julien.

"_STOP COMMENTING ON THE POUCH!_" Joey screamed in a fit of anger, irritation and exasperation. With a mighty kick he sent the king up and out of his habitat.

...

"Never ever comment on the crazy kangaroo's pouch. That's what I am having learnt." Julien replied to Lolla as Maurice treated the king's broken bones.

"Yes, I see, go on." The Yorkie scrawled down more notes in her notebook, resembling a psychiatrist.

**28. Don't ever mention spies or Dr. Blowhole around Skipper unless you want him to paranoia-freak on you. (Requested by Peach Italian Ice)**

"...So, as you can see, this invention shoots out bowling balls at the top speed of 23 kilometers per hour!" Kowalski continued. He was demonstrating his latest invention to the others.

"Please," scoffed Lolla, de-motivating her brother as usual. "Blowhole can make go at 30 kph."

"Since when did you become a Blowhole fangirl?" questioned the intellectual penguin.

"No way! I'm just comparing you."

"Jerk."

"Heck, Blowhole's spies can make that chiz go 100 kph if you wanted them to!"

"You know, you shouldn't be talking about potential weapons because _Blowhole's spies might be eavesdropping on us right now!_" Skipper screamed.

"Uh, no. I was just using his name in a sentence. That doesn't mean that he's _actually_ eavesdropping on us." Lolla said in an attempt to calm her brother down.

"Once you mention it, there's no going back." Her brother replied with an insane expression written on his face. "Oh, I can imagine him now, laughing at us, saying that _he_ could do better. Ha ha, so what? Us penguins can do anything! He is _not _superior to us! Oh ho ho, he has _no _idea of what we go through. Mentally challenged squirrels, killer kangaroos, low batteries, cold showers, spies... that's just the tip of the tip of the tip of the iceberg."

As Skipper ranted on and on (and on!), Kowalski faceflippered.

"Remind me to never mention Blowhole or spies around him," muttered Lolla, who was busily ripping up pieces of paper to stuff in her ears.

**29. Don't say Becky and Stacy are "badgering". (Requested by Agent Bobcat)**

"Hi Lolla!"

"What're you—"

"—doing today?"

"Oh, hey guys." The Yorkie greeted the two badgers.

"So—" Becky began.

"—do you have any plans for today?" finished Stacy.

"Well, uh, no." Lolla shrugged.

"Yay!" cheered the badgers.

"We're gonna have a super spontaneous outing today."

"Wanna come?"

"Uh, sure." Lolla agreed.

To summarize the next four hours:

"Ooh! Let's go hang-gliding!"

"NO! HELP ME!"

"Yum, ice cream!"

"I don't even like this flavor."

"POTATOES!"

"SALSA!"

"TANGO! Let's tango!"

"Shut up!"

(In case you didn't get the dialogue sequence: Stacy, Lolla, Becky, Lolla, Becky, Stacy, Becky, Lolla.)

On any other day Lolla would treasure this particular outing, but, put simply, she was already having a bad day before she even saw the two badgers.

"You're gonna come with us to our next outing right?"

"Please! Sometimes it kinda gets boring with just the two of us!"

"You know what they say—"

"—the more the merrier!"

"It's so much better with three!"

"I agree!"

"Ooh, that rhymed!"

"Hooray!"

"Aw, you killed it."

"Oh, sorry."

"Rhyme killer!"

"I said I was sorry!"

"_Ugh, will you two badgering big mouths shut up?!_" Lolla snapped.

There was a deathly pause, then—

"_Badgering?_" spat Becky.

"You think we badger you? Huh? _Huh?_" dared Stacy.

"Calm down sis, Lolla here has just been infected by Marlene," said Becky.

"Infected? What do you mean—?" Lolla questioned.

"Ugh! Can't people just _stop_ with the badger stereotypes?!" wailed Stacy.

"Let's just teach her a lesson then," decided Becky.

The now-angry badgers cornered the frightened Lolla, who was begging for mercy and apologizing relentlessly. But said apologies and begs fell upon deaf ears.

...

"Day 10: I am still staying inside and not going out, just in case those badgers are out there, ready to teach me another lesson..." Lolla whispered to her tape recorder, lying in a hammock hanging from a ceiling.

"Only a half-brained dunderhead would tangle with the badgers," remarked Kowalski. Skipper faceflippered in shame and humiliation.

**30. Never take Julien's boomy-box. (Requesteed by Bml1997)**

"_You know that it doesn't matter as long as we have each other. Turn it up, turn it up, mash it up, it ain't the end of the world—_"

BANG! (That was the sound of a door being slammed open, not a gunshot.)

"_LOLLA! TURN DOWN THAT MUSIC!_" screamed Skipper. He paused, noticing that it wasn't Lolla's netbook which was the source of the music (it usually was), but a radio. _Ringtail's _radio.

"Lolla," he began. "Why do you have Ringtail's radio with you?"

His younger sister shrugged. "I saw it lying around last night and took it. He won't mind, after all." She added.

Before Skipper could reply, Maurice burst into the HQ.

"Uh, guys, you'd better see this." He gestured topside. (Strangely, he didn't notice the radio.)

The penguins and Lolla now stood in the lemur's habitat. Before them lay Julien. He was huddled on the ground shivering, mumbling to himself "Needs... music... cannot... make it..."

"His radio's been missing since this morning—or even before that," explained Maurice.

"It is _not _called a 'radio'!" Julien suddenly interrupted, making air quotes. "It is a _boomy-box_! _My _boomy-box..."

The penguins cast glances at Lolla. Then, after a certain amount of pressure and staring, she finally cracked.

"All right, _all right! I _took his... 'boomy-box'. And I'm sorry and all..." She avoided eye-contact with the distressed king.

"_YOU WHAT?!_" Julien roared.

...

"All right, I know you get into these sorts of situations frequently, but come on! This is the _fifth _accident this week! Fifth! Unbelievable!" Kowalski rambled as he treated Lolla.

* * *

**A/N: So, this is way short, but I did the best I can. Thanks for reading guys!**

**Me: See Private? No Swiss piggy banks here!**

**Private: There's always next chapter...**

**Me: Whatever you say. Oh, and it's okay if you don't review with rules; kudos to Agent Bobcat because they sent in a TON of rules, and I still have enough material to get started on another chapter. **

**PASTAAAA~!**

**My Answer to the Last Chapter's Question:**

**Duhhh, the togetherness, the love! That magical feeling! As stated on my profile, I love Christmas!**

**Question of the Chapter:**

**What do you do if you have a serious case of writer's block?**

**[1]. The project the class was making is a pillow, which is an actual project at my school. I hate sewing. TT_TT (No offense to you sewaholics out there, but it's just not my thing.)**

**[2]. Who else did this before? xD**

**[3]. Without looking, try guessing how many keys are on your keyboard! :)**

_**Happy End of the World Day!**_


	5. Important Message!

**Guys.**

**I know you were thinking that this was a new chapter for the story.**

**But it isn't. It's a... message.**

**You see, over time, my interest for this fandom, The Penguins of Madagascar, has considerably waned. Waned to the point where I just can't write any fanfiction anymore. The inspiration just stopped coming. Whenever I **_**do **_**try to write, I have a really hard time thinking. The show no longer held the magic it had for me in the beginning. I just can't write anymore.**

**I've... moved to a different fandom. I won't say exactly which one it is in case you want to hunt me down and kill me with flames. (But if you've been stalking me recently I'm **_**pretty **_**sure it won't be hard to guess.) Maybe that's why I've stopped liking this fandom. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But please, please don't try harassing the authors from that fandom as though they were the cause of this. Interests shift and change over time, don't they? I'm pretty sure you don't have an interest in the things you liked when you were younger.**

**This story, "101 Things You Shouldn't Do in the Zoo", is now up for adoption, or discontinued if no one adopts. My other story, "Sausages", is now on possibly permanent hiatus, unless a total miracle happens and I get inspired to write a new chapter for it, but, as I've said before, I just can't write anything for that anymore.**

**If one of you wants to adopt it, please contact me. I probably won't be able to respond immediately—Christmas break is ending tomorrow for me anyway—but I **_**will**_** respond. I can promise you that. I will give you the list of requested rules, and help you out in anyway I can. I will help you on how to write in my OC Lolla—**_**if **_**you wish to include her. (Hint: It's basically like writing **_**me **_**in; look on my profile for a brief description of my animalized appearance and personality. I'll be keeping it there for reference.) I can help you out with anything on the story. Perhaps I can even beta it for you if need be!**

**I'm so sorry for this, guys. But it's inevitable. I can't write for this fandom anymore. That means no new PoM fanfics coming from me anymore except for special occasions (like a request from a friend that I can get myself to write or something). But don't lose all hope. I'll drop by every now and then to see how the fandom's going. I'll check out some stories, and maybe drop a little review or two. In other words, instead of being at the honorable level of Author here, I'll drop down to the level of Lurker .**

**Thank you **_**so**_** much for everything. This is my **_**very **_**first fandom to author for. (A little trivia about me: I was into the 39 Clues when I first found this site but I never got the courage to write for its fandom though. My interest for **_**that **_**fandom finally disappeared when I got into this one.) I've made many new friends, and they've all helped me, one by one. They've changed me into the author I am now. So, to the following authors:**

**starfire207**

**Rookie70Penguin**

**tpomfan4ever**

**Hope1234**

**Literaturefangirl**

**TheDarkMaiden 27**

**Cheycartoongirl8**

**Thank you so much for being my friends on here. This experience really meant a lot to me. Please don't stop being my friends even as I leave for a new fandom. I will help you out with writing stories and everything. (Just because I'm leaving this fandom doesn't mean I'll forget all about it. -_-" I'm not that kind of person.) We can still chat just like friends with different interests do. **

**I know—this is kind of sudden. I've only written, like, just **_**five **_**stories here and **_**already **_**I'm leaving. I know what some of you are thinking: "Holy crapola, I've seen authors who've written **_**tons **_**of stories and have been on this fandom for **_**years**_**, but this author right here has only been into it for what? Like a year or so, wrote five stories and already she's leaving for a new fandom. What the hell is wrong with her?!" **

**...Or, something between those lines.**

**Well, let's just say I'm not like everyone else when it comes to my interests. They're rarely ever the same after a year. It's kinda crazy for me, but I'm used to my incredibly quick-paced mind. **

**So, I guess that's it. I'm leaving now, but I'll come back every now and then to see how everyone's doing. I'll miss you all. Don't forget about me, and I'll never forget about you.**

**(Yes, I agree this note is drastically sappy coming from me, but who cares?!)**

**Wait, I have one last request:**

**Poke Monsieur Skipson (Skipper) till he pops, okay? Say it's a parting gift from his sweet little sister. *winks***

**I guess this is it. Bye, everyone! I love chocolate! :D**

**PS, if I forget your name on the list tell me right away. I will gladly put your name here. ;)**


End file.
